how to TALK TO REALLY MAD PARENTS (aka my saradong christianong mom finding my tarot cards and how to convincingly say sorry)

I grew up in the Philippines, with your typical roman catholic god fearing household. which means my parents expect me in church, my mom prays the rosary – oh and oh yeah, anything related to the intuitive, tarot cards, crystals, energy healing, oracle cards, astrology, fengshui, you damn name it son, are pretty much the works of the devil.

and ooooh girl, my mom probably wanted to get me an exorcism.

so what to do when everything blows up on your face?

 

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1 JUST WATCH, NOD YOUR HEAD

Use your meditation chops. remain as neutral as still as possible. don’t just look like your listening – actually listen, you don’t have to be personally offended with the content of the words they’re insinuating or accusing or doing. just watch, and occasionally nod your head. reassure them that their perspective and anger is valid (you know it is, why’d you think you were hiding that stuff in the first place duh) and just let them do the thing they have to do, just let them do it – scream at you and express their frustration and ANGST. THEN when that giant crest of raeg ebbs for a moment-

 

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2 EXPLAIN USING THEIR LANGUAGE

Give a good excuse why you did the Bad Thing anyway in the language that they will understand. This explanation -it’s not for you. It’s for them, so don’t even try to explain things from your point of view – use references that have a positive experience to them, that would make sense from a #raeging parent’s point of view. “mom I just use it as a writing tool, it’s psychotherapy using images” and the “IM NOT TRYING TO TALK TO THE DEVIL” and finally seal the deal with the “IM Sincerely regretful I hurt you, i know i did wrong, (and if applicable) i’ll never never never never ever do it again I swear”.

In my case I come from a family of natural empaths. My grandma in the mom side used to be faith healer, exorcist, one grandpa speaks tongues and has dream vision and my other great grandad was a full blown hypnotist talks to duwendes (dwarves) sort of guy and many more. My maternal grandma has a black magic son (anting-antings, charms, tarot) and til her dying breath begged him to throw away that  “black book” and renounce the devil. I never got to know my uncle personally but you could see why my mom felt like she was living in her personal hell when she found my tarot cards.

 

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WHICH I UNDERSTOOD. And from that place of understanding , I was like huh, i can always use other tools. I consciously choose, and simply prefer to use cards that would not fuck my mother up. it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Saying sorry is free, so I could say it a thousand times, but here’s the clincher, here’s what really absolves you of their sins and dissipates anger like sweet rain.

 

 

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3 “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO  SO YOU’LL BE CONVINCED THAT I’M SORRY.”

This is a curve ball, believe me. This will catch them off guard and slap them out of their catastrophizing and be a blue loading screen of what the actual fuck. My child ?? Asking me what they could do – for me ???

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Their brains will scatter trying to imagine their own happiness, needs and what would solve their frustration. Don’t wrack you brain trying to figure out what you need to do to get back in good graces – just straight up ASK THEM. ASK. ASK. CHANGE THE TOPIC. ask  and you shall receive. It’s a valid question! help them write their own story of redemption and then go ahead and do it.

You can bargain. believe me, when you throw this curveball they’ll be so out of sorts, and out of their usual territory you will find a story that will work for the both of you. my mom wants me to get baptized again ?? okay but i’m not gonna be part of the healing ministry. she wants someone to go with her to healing mass? – then great but i get to pick which church and priest. and i can go city hunting for the best energy meditation spots that happen to be near altars, and I get to practise my discernment by watching which canonical healers are legit. see (future post) for church energy+priest reviews.

 

Everyone wins! and oh boy that holy spirit baptism. it was perfect. it sort of deserves a post all on its own, but it was supremely fascinating experience for me to watch local faith healers talk about connecting to spirit within the roman catholic dogma. deep down – i kinda asked for this ? to have an opportunity to understand the angle by which my grandma was a total baddass in, exorcist level shenanigans.  and universe delivered it to me in express , massive returns edition.

 

YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT.

SEE THE OPPORTUNITY, THAT COMES WITH CHAOS AND SHOCK.

 

After this whole debacle, my mother has been waaaaaaaaay more understanding of this weird way her kid prays/meditates. she gets that’s how i connect with spirit and that breathing techniques are just super cool ways to relax.

She’s also more explicit and honest with her own needs and feelings which makes her overall easier to navigate. less crystals up in her face, more cross of st. benedict. we’re actually closer now since she has a reference to understand ‘my gifts’, and since I already came out as ‘clairsentient’ or a ‘sensitive’ she gets it when I’m seriously asking for some space, and need to meditate alone.

YOU CAN GET OUT OF THIS STRONGER THAN YOU CAME IN.

YOU NEED TO SEE THE STATUS QUO DISINTEGRATE AND NAVIGATE YOURSELF IN AN ADVANTAGEOUS POSITION.

IT CAN BE DONE. I DID IT.

 

 

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My brother is seriously confounded, confused with how the hell did I get myself back in good graces after being pronounced a spawn of satan. Well i told him, how i did it, you actually just read it. But he still doesn’t believe me. he’s just has “???????????????????” going in his brain and well moving through forgiveness deserves a whole ‘nother (post) and is big thing to process.

Now, how about you?

Have you been accused of working of the devil too? TELL ME ABOUT IT. HAHA

 

How do you deal with really mad, confrontational parents??

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Much love,

Maālia

 

your soul is welcome here

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