maria mison: integrated awakenings

 

It’s weird that I’m born in a generation that never really saw blogging as a social platform (being inundated by youtube, facebook, instagram etc.) but somehow still saw the allure of blogging and the written word. (I’m 23 years old from the philippines, whatever generation that applies to)

 

You see in school, they make you write reaction papers for movies you don’t like and opinion papers on subjects you don’t care about – that when you get the complete freedom to DO talk about the things you care about you’re left eerily quiet.

 

What do i Really want to talk about ?

 

If I’m completely anonymous under my blog name and there’s no social expectations to perform for – what do i sincerely want to think and analyze and have a fucking major on diba ? What do you think is worth my while ?

And to be honest it really stumps me. When I was younger I had this sentimental idea of a heroic blogger who had hot awesome notes from his classes and he would post it online with his own relfections and it’s this one-man-army of a sparknotes machine saving the local populace.

 

There’s a built-in market: whoever is going to go through the trials of highschool, and there’s a built-in benefit, blogger himself learns the material faster because he’s teaching it to others, and the general populace will LEARN. I did a certain degree of this one time. When I made illustrations of a local popular children’s folk tales (Juan Tamad) and having it up for x years it’s racked upto 40,000 views.

 

Maybe educators, maybe kids, who knows, not many of them left comments. But did it stoke my ego.

 

The problem is.

 

The problem is, you see.

 

I JUST. GRADUATED.

The time period that i finally committed to my childhood dream of consistently blogging ,or offering up my own voice in the cacophony in the internet, to carve out my own space of my own confessional thoughts and most personal learnings.

 

I graduated.

 

_fuck_

 

Now, technically. I can still cover #adulting notes I’m just candidly learning myself. Looking for apartment, asking to move out from your parent’s house when you’re an unmarried woman in a strict household in the philippines. How to know what jobs you really want and how to present yourself well in an interview. (tip: look fly AF.)

 

How to negotiate like a pro, and convert your parents and Actually win arguments to go do things they don’t want you to do. (tip: talk in their language-link-)

 

How to stay chill in the existential crises after graduating. (too many of my batchmates went depressed imho.) (tip: learn to meditate with a yoda like intensity)

 

How to make new friends outside of work and school. (have hobbies)

 

How to let go of friends that don’t know who you are anymore. (accept that that’s perfectly okay)

 

All very valid blog points. But all those things aren’t taught in school, and to a large degree these things aren’t really learned in a structured manner so there isn’t really a curriculum I can lean on when I schedule posts.

 

I just.

 

I just write whatever I want.

 

(?)

 

—-

 

And what I’ve found out is that I’ve personally had very crazy experiences that I could only frame as ‘spiritual’ experiences and even ‘occult’ happenings. It was raining on my head with no physical rain, there was knocking in my window. I’m learning to talk to trees.

 

Hmmm.

 

Now talk about looking for something STRUCTURED.

 

So what I ended up with is actually a litany, an expository, excorcism(?) of all my experiences just so that i have documentation of what it was like near the time that it happened. What it meant to me, what was helpful for me and what I’ve found to be the most impactful aspects of deep subconscious healing.

 

Field notes.

 

This is what this is. A bit unedited, but balls to the ground honesty of what I’m currently learning. I’m not enlightened or anything – but this is like the difference of learning advanced physics from that doctorate proffesor who’s sometimes too damn confusing, and asking your classmate to explain it to you in layman’s terms. 

I’m learning by sharing, and hopefully, I’m the seatmate I always wanted in school.

Really good notes, honest candid expression.

Realness.

 

I read a quora article about starting a blog and the top answer said something close to ” Just do it. Also, see you in 100 blog articles of not much people reading and let’s see how much you really want to talk about what you’re gonna talk about.”

And I’m like huh.

 

I haven’t hit 100 yet but I’ve already come to realize a few things about blogging that I didn’t quite think about when I was starting.

((( like 1. this takes more time than I thought, especially if I want to engage and read other blogs .. or …2. oh wow, I don’t edit my own writing as much as other people, I should probably get around doing that and that writer’s voice thing too….)))

 

SO HYEAH.

how about you honey?

What’s blogging to you?

 

Maalia