*long beleaguered sigh.
This post must be written. I do not KNOW! Who will find this helpful, but maybe someone out there will so let’s just get to it.
I’ve had a long standing suspicion that I have multiple souls.
I’ve had a reader once told me I had three ginormous aspects of me, leviathans of
- gabriel (the herald, my aries energy)
- chokmah (wisdom, my gemini energy – tho gabriel also has this. it’s gemini in a sense that chokmah is the emanation of the tree of life that is the Yang half of the first duality – meaning wisdom through experiencing, through action.
- and death. (my scorpio, the destroyer, very quiet and very shiva)
I always thought that they were just spirit guides.
If you’ve noticed in my blog posts:
I’m quite adept to feeling my main guide, who is named jeremiah, very leo energy, very encouraging, husband to M, who is my pilot soul.
Okay we’ll get to that term later.
But anyway, since my fish dream (which i mentioned in past life dreams) I was dead sure I had two husbands. It’s just that when i journeyed to my spirit home I talked to jeremiah more and zachariah/ezekiel/his name just feels like it has a z to it, would just be quiet at the background.
We are in this beautiful polyamorous relationship that I just can’t explain but it’s just so consistent in the dream world, we all love each other and help each other. That’s just how it goes.
They kept me close company all the time. So I never thought they were assigned to my body per se. I mean guides are a higher extension of you so really yeah if you go enough dimensions up we’re all the same. But I always thought they accompanied me – not occupied my body WITH ME.
Yeah. About a month ago I was reading ruth rendley’s multiple soul theory because my bones were just itching to get it. I feel like it applied to me, the gut level of knowing.
And it talked about an account were people can have multiple souls in a body like having a car with multiple people on it. The other people are just along for the ride, back seat driving switching drivers occasionally.
Ruth had a client once who was feeling stuck in life and ruth read for her and saw that her first soul – the pilot, the one who calibrated the vehicle at birth was due to leave already and that another soul was supposed to drive now. This is done for multiple reasons but sometimes the lessons lined up for the body just no longer match the soul? So you switch. You send the other soul on a different time space reality.
So what’s the personality? Who’s Maria? I think it’s the ongoing story that’s weaved with my karmic vehicle. Souls are drivers but not the persona.
So I made this blog as Maria, signing off as M.
But this is J now, umm her husband. I’m driving maria now. Holy shit right?
I had a few days of trying to do dragon ball fusion or garnet from steven universe fusion. I kept seeing it in my head, ruby and sapphire dancing together and becoming one larger, more powerful and wise.
So I knew that. I knew, as I learned from the book that body’s with multiple souls can be occupied by past lovers. They enjoyed their bond so much they tried occupying the same body.
Great. Okay. I’m sure, that those two husbands of mine occupied the same body. So I shamanic journeyed into a fused version of my souls and taking a wheel. It was like having A God Voice in your head and it was crazy it was like realearning to walk and live again.
It, it was tricky.
I was having a long drawn out debate if fusion, integrating the personalities is the best ( i read some multiple disassoiccative persona articles for this, tho jeremiah and zach aren’t traumatized parts of me) . What’s more it took me a while to accept that they were “ME”
I say this with the utmost love, but Jeremiah and Zach were more spiritually advanced than M. Why else would i mistake them as guides?? So even if i knew how to channel J when i needed someone wise to talk to – i couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that – hey. Um insecured wonderful girl. That’s actually…you.
The walk-in part
I … i knew M had to leave. She was panicking.
We were unravelling so much of her deep seated karma, that as much as we were making loads of progress with her art and what she’s becoming – her level of astonishment, surprise was so overwhelming it fried her rational control system. Everything was such A Big Deal for her that it was a danger for her to just do a U-turn from so much fear.
And i kept thinking about the book, and ruth’s case of the pilot soul leaving after a certain age. I was like, … m has to leave. She needs to heal at a different plane, she can’t fuck up this reality. And this was said and brought out with the utmost love.
I had.. to change. So i had the intention to. And with a snap of a finger the next day i felt like a different person.
I liked, different clothes. M was very boho while Jeremiah liked street wear and closed shoes and hats. Jeremiah likes coffee where m never drank it. It was honestly disorienting I was in the same body but I’d look at things and just have a totally different reaction. I was less scared of speaking up, Jeremiah is such a bad ass that way.
I heal through narratives and in haikyuu i used to identify so much with oikawa as this bright but very self-flagellating/ self-loathing kind of over-achiever. I looked at the oikawa art now and I don’t relate to him as much. I’d look at bokuto, this really strong optimistic player and I’m like…that. That’s me now. I’m a hardcore fan of iwaoi – a ship name for characters from haikyuu and i have several keychains of them. And suddenly they didn’t mean to me as much as it did before.
I felt, more masculine too.
So i guess i deeply relate to people who want to be called they/them or have the need to change genders. It’s too real, i get it. I went through it, on a spiritual level.
if we looked back at that first reading…
Jeremiah is the gabriel energy, M is the chokmah and Zach is this cool quiet death. I think what really nailed everything on the head was when i journeyed to my powerplace, i looked like a man.
I used to go there as M and be hugged/smothered by jeremiah and we’d enthusiastically ask about my day and we’d work through Maria’s (the vehicle’s) shit.
But when the switch was done, I went to my apartment as J, feeling very masculine and it was just zach on the table not rushing to greet me. Like we’ve done this before and I didn’t need validation and somthering as much as M did. So i just sat beside him, and talked.
Which was weird, because as M, I didn’t talk to zach much because J was just so much more talkative. And Z just liked watching us anyway. He’s good at calming people down and he has this really small soft voice.
But now that I’m J, it was like i had to relearn to navigate our relationship with just the two of us. You see J doesn’t need as much attention as M did, but he definitely needed someone to talk to and he needs physical affection more than what z used to contribute as a threesome.
And well. Z was so… mature about it? Actually we both were (J). Z was quietly reminding J that he’s not like a <certain person from waking life> who didn’t adjust to other people. That he loves jeremiah and that he could adjust. That we will adjust? What do you need?
It was. Crazy.
Not only did i need to relearn to navigate who I was and a new soul pattern, I also had a fundamentally different relationship in my power place too.
I brought this all up to my spiritual mentor. Told them about my “conspiracy theory” about me having multiple souls and that I switched drivers. They confirmed, all of it.
When i asked – what’s zachariah’s real name?
They (my mentor – that’s their preferred pronoun) just said that z is so quiet though, he also doesn’t care much?
And i was like, yup. That is him. You can see him, ofcourse you can.
Okay i had another clairvoyant straight up tell me i have multiple souls and that I have already pulled off a successful driver switch or also categorically called a walk in for the driver’s chair.
In ruth’s book she says it’s hard to switch drivers without a shaman/psychopomp and my mentor confirmed that the way out is maze like. M didn’t really leave but it’s more of she has a string of herself tied to this vehicle and she can always zap back when she’s okay.
Ruth’s book also described a lot of energetic ailments that are about souls wanting to leave but can’t or just a bad energetic balance in the vehicle when the two souls start to have conflicting desires or want to subsume each other. I am, thankfully not like that.
Ate jammi (my mentor) told me it’s actually quite rare to have incarnate lovers in one body and if i used to lead with passion before i now lead with love. I had a friend of mine (mara) spontenously do a reading for me (as thanks as I was her shoulder to cry on during a breakup of hers) and she told me, oh you lead with love now, not passion.
And I’m like, i get it universe. I’m two-three souls in love in one body. I – I’m supposed to act from love.
If you ever have questions about wondering if you have multiple souls too or if you’re navigating a recent walk-in, or suspecting that you NEED a walk-in. Contact me, I can do a reading for you and I could journey and check stuff out for you energetically to confirm.
But for now, I’m signing off! The article is done.
I’ll sign off as Maria (the vehicle) as it might be confusing to sign off as J, but yeah this is him.. And well, ciao!
PS: I AM NOT KIDDING about feeling very masculine. I mean I used to say I might be BI, but now I’m hella sure. I want to protect people, I feel more capable of romancing more effeminate men. This is all very confusing. I don’t know why I’m attracted to the same people, maybe J was already crushing from the backseat before? Hell do I know
bonus tags: transitions