101 games for survival

Community and care in times of a fucking global pandemic.

by maria & jay Dragon

01 

Pick 3 people you love deeply. They don’t have to be with you.

Say everything that you need to tell them in the form of a letter. In the form of a playlist. An overbearing necessary and near religious voicemail. Take as much time honoring everything you feel. Just send it. 

They need to hear it.

Send one at least everyday.

02 

Take a yellow pages phone book.

Record yourself for an hour.

Rip every fucking page for every fucking government incompetency that is murdering innocent people.

Post it online. 

Be a fucking Performance artist. 

03

Take snippets of video of your life of a day and string them together and send them to your best friend or your girlfriend or your worst enemy or whatever

04

Gain a new appreciation for the interior of your closet.

05

Go online and make a new internet profile and invent the person you’ve always wanted to be and be them 100% for exactly 24 hours then delete everything and never play this game again.

If someone gets in any way emotionally attached to you, stop the game and let them know what’s going on immediately.

Be free. Don’t hurt.

06 

Chat people you always wanted to have a friend date with.

They have the time now.

They would love to talk to someone who genuinely likes and sees them. It doesn’t matter how brief just start by saying what you always liked about them and their work. They don’t need to reply. If they do, realize that they’re people too.

Touch them

07

Spend an hour looking at old pictures of yourself. Give each you in each picture a new name, based on what you think they’d like to be named based on the picture.

AWWW <333333

08

Think of another time in your life when you thought you were lost in the enormity of an event. Write it down on a piece of paper as small as you can make it. Can you fit the entire event into a single word? Do this over and over until you squeeze all the bad and traumatic things into single words, then burn the paper.

09

Break a law in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone (including yourself). 

Fuck it bb!

10

Make playlists for different times of your life you want to honor and or let go of.

Make playlists for different people in your life you want to honor and or let go of.

Make playlists for different versions of you in your life you want to honor and or let go of.

Have a concert in your bed. Curate. Witness.

Blow a kiss and give em a bow.

11

Look out a window up at the sky. What happens if you were wrong, and you’re actually looking down at the sky, and you need to hold onto the windowsill to not fall out? 

I don’t know if anyone but me can win at this game, but you do win if you turn your brain upside down

12

Do the opposite of everything your brain tells you to do. When your brain tells you to sleep, stay awake. When it says to lie down, get up. When it tells you to sit and stay still, instead get up and walk around.

Listen to your belly or your heart instead. Maybe it has suggestions. 

yessss

13

Send angry impulsive unsolicited suggestion emails to corporations or people in power AND BE INCREDIBLY HONEST. Feel righteous anger, clarity and justice boil from your bones. Then rip it out unto a blank email. 

Send it.

SEND. IT. 

Btw. all your other writing?

Send them to a fucking publisher. Anywhere anything. 

14

Draw a map of a house that doesn’t exist on a piece of paper on the floor. Give names to everyone in the house and all the rooms. Whenever you run out of room, add more paper. Stop when you can’t see your floor.

15

Put all your clothes on backwards. Do a dance! Treat yourself. Have a snack.

16

Have an argument with god and mean it. @god in twitter and publish. 

Make an alternate account if you feel you need one.

You don’t need one. 

17

Build a pillow fort in your mind. Pick people in your life to put in the fort. Draw a picture of each one that captures their gender (but not their appearance). Put the pictures in the fort that doesn’t exist, then tear down the fort.

You may have a pillow fight or cry in the wreckage.

It’s okay. 

18

Write a really shitty poem. Just, the most over-the-top, purple-prose, hyper-authentic, amateur hour cringe thing you can write. Be way too honest and ugly and make a big fool of yourself all over the page. Write as many as you want, and be very proud of your bad poems.

❤ 

19

List 20 things that comes to mind on how to make things easier for you.

NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, NOT WHAT IS EXPECTED, NOT WHAT IS NEEDED.

Just what would make this post-apocalypse easier for you.

Do at least 3 of the things on the list a day. 

20

List the most salient regrets you had the moment the lockdown happened.

Example: “I SHOULD’VE ASKED HIM ON A DATE SOONER. FUCK i really wish i just hugged that son of a bitch.. “ and so on

Stand up straight w one hand raised. And swear to yourself. 

You will do each of these regrets within the week-month of not-lockdown. Put a fictitious date when you want lockdown to end like a real calendar of regrets that will no longer be regrets. 

Things that are doable within lockdown must be done. Now.

Like Right Now. 

If some regrets can be transformed translated within the current context then you don’t need to contract a disease or have a complication before a game fucking convinces you to shoot your fucking shot. 

21

Every time you say the word Boop, you create a lil creacher. Give it a name and ask it its favorite snack. Where does it scurry off and hide?

Is it morally ethical for you to say the word Boop?

Do you do it anyway?

22

Spend the day downloading sticker packs for your viber chat and customizing the chat in your fb, IG or whatever app is useful. Dick around filters the whole day.

They’re pretty. If some of them remind you of someone, send it to them.

23

unblock someone you hate, then tell them to go fuck themselves, then block them again

marvelous

24

YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HOST DUMB SHITTY FUN EVENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING LOCKDOWN

YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HOST DUMB SHITTY FUN EVENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING LOCKDOWN

YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HOST DUMB SHITTY FUN EVENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING LOCKDOWN

YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HOST DUMB SHITTY FUN EVENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING LOCKDOWN

YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HOST DUMB SHITTY FUN EVENTS ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING LOCKDOWN

NO ONE REALLY GIVES A FUCK. HOST A LIVE NO ONE WILL ATTEND. MAKE AN ELABORATE REACTION VIDEO OF SOMEONE’S TIK TOK. YEA! WHATEVER. MAKE IT A DUMB CHALLENGE

#TAGPEOPLE

25

Break something really small, like an acorn or a popcorn or an already-broken bit of electronics. Hold a funeral for it, with a eulogy and a proper burial. Then forget all about it.

26

Watch the clouds pass for an hour.

27

Eat something that’s a little lowkey weird to eat, like a bit of toilet paper or a paper towel or a tissue. IDK WHAT HAPPENS U DONT GOTTA I JUST AM CURIOUS IF IT WILL CAUSE THE WHOLE WORLD TO EXPLODE

28

Decide to talk in gibberish w/ a close friend. (use zoom if you have to fucks)

Relish in all the tonality and the facial expressions that you now have to rely on to get a message across.

Live in this language for the rest of the lockdown.

How do you gaze at people you’re experiencing a collective death with?

29

Make up a little harmless lie about your past and decide it’s true now. Maybe you used to hate spaghetti and now you like it, or maybe you thought toy trucks were really cool. IDK 

30

Lose your fucking mind get permission to go fucking crazy and go apeshit and lose your mind. You can stop playing once you’re no longer losing your shit.

wonderful

31

Dance with your back always being supported by the wall

Dance with your feet always being planted by the ground

Dance with your heart always wanting to beat

Feel you are always held.

Feel how you are always touched.

By the chair, by the air, by the light. 

32

Write 20 things in your utopia. Post-apocalypse. 

Like it.

Share it w/ someone.

33

Identify clothes you hate yourself in. Why the hell are you keeping that.

Take a kitchen knife and stab and shred that thing w/ your whole body.

34

Clear out your closet, clear out your things.

Think about the people who would love these specific things.

Find a place in your room half way here and out.

It’s a foot of a christmas tree now.

By end of quarantine, go be fucking santa. (or send it out to a guard)

35

Spend the first day reading only newspapers, watching the television, scrolling through political twitters and worrying like hell. Whenever you hear a phrase you think stands out, cut it out or write it down or save it.

On the second day, create new newspapers, new televisions, new political twitters, using the fragments of the old. Paste it all back together. What new world can you create?

36

You gotta play this game with a friend but you don’t have to see each other in person. Find something very very minor you disagree on, like which ice cream is the best. Have a full argument about it. Like, hopping up and down screaming crying breakdown lashout argument. Stop when you have no more words left to say, and then take some time and proccess the fuck out of what just happened.

37

Live your life exactly like you’ve been living it, but this time you’re playing a game. The goal of the game is to look like you’re in a sitcom about yourself. Don’t forget to smile and wave at the camera during your opening segment!

HAHA

38

Invent the actor who has been hired to play you in a movie. What kind of movies are they usually in? Are they a good actor?

Invent the director who has been hired to direct your life in a movie. What sort of genres do they enjoy? What’s their guilty pleasure?

Invent the team of writers who have written your life-as-movie. What’s the plot? What did they get wrong?

Invent the faceless corporation behind it all.

39

Make something for someone else. Make a painting or writing or song or w/e and pour your entire fucking disaster-ass relationship into it. Be as messy and weird and complicated and honest and hurtful and whatever all your big tangled feelings that you don’t have words for. 

Don’t show them the art afterwards. You can synthesize it and sublimate it and talk about it but you can’t show the art itself. 

40

Recall all the times and people who made you happy.

Send voice messages to them. 

You may have had crushes on them when you were younger but you’re mature now and you’re just really reminding yourself all the times you felt loved and happy.

They’d be happy to hear from you. Nothing has to happen between the two of you, you just poke them ala facebook circa 2003.

They tend to send back voice messages too.

41

Take some time and learn how to fly. It takes a really long time to learn how to fly so you won’t be good at it at first but you have plenty of time so fuk it learn how to fly

42

Send more voice messages to everyone you demand hears your voice. Speak at politicians and lovers and celebrities and friends and soulmates and ex-soulmates and all of it. 

43

It takes a long time to be real.

Schedule a one hour meeting everyday to be real.

Take a bath and don’t towel yourself down.

Feel the droplets evaporate. 

Become.

44

List down the people who believe in you, in your dreams, who see you for your strengths and don’t edit themselves in saying so.

Spend more time connecting with them.

They’ll remind you of who you are instead of the people who you’re trying to make love/like you.

It’s okay.

Block/unfollow as necessary.

45

FOR EVERY FUCKING ADULT WHO GIVES UP AND PINS ALL THE HOPE IN THE CHILDREN AND THE FUTURE ALLOW YOURSELF TO WRITE FUCK YOU ON A PAPER AND TAPE IT ON A PUBLIC WINDOW.

WE / YOU ARE NOT HELD RESPONSIBLE TO LIVE OUT THE PROJECTIONS DREAMS AND HOPES OF A FAILED GENERATION. WHEN THAT OBLIGATION CREEPS UP  TO YOU RAISED YOUR MIDDLE FINGERS UP and enchant within yourself

“I deal w/ my own shit first, this is enough

Try to not break the window.

46

When things that are of worth to you happen in your life, ascribe an absurdly high monetary value to it.

Eg: you made me feel so safe. 3minutes, 10,000usd.

Finding a new song on spotify that resurrected me, 555usd.

Total what your week’s real (internal) income is.

Re-arrange your next week to accommodate more of this.

Be radically fucking honest, to what shit’s worth. 

holy shit i love this so much

47

Make a little effigy of yourself. Draw a self portrait, or give a spoon some arms and legs, or forge a homunculus. Whenever you get mad at yourself and want yourself to die, look at the effigy. Does it deserve to die also? Would you condemn such a fragile thing to be destroyed, for no reason other than its own existence and its glorious life?

If your answer is yes, rip it to pieces and create anew. Keep rebuilding yourself until you fall in love.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

48

So you happen to be cleaning.

The past doesn’t really exist. You are left w/ relics and meanings and versions and they’re all somehow holding you reaching out stretching like some elaborate cheerleading pyramid vault stunt and this time feel it.

Feel how your past yous believe in you. There is a time for mourning yes, but even ghosts pray and believe and fall in love. 

We’re clearing skeletons from the closet.

And they love you, they love.

49

Yesterday didn’t happen. There’s no yesterday. It’s been replaced. There are no consequences for what happened yesterday. You’re safe from all the bad things that happened yesterday. Today is a new day, and by playing this, you’ve destroyed yesterday.

50

YELL WITH YOUR ENTIRE BODY WITH NO SOUND

LIKE THE THINGS YOU WANT WITHOUT A SLIVER OF A DOUBT

WHAT’S THE POINT

THAT’S NOT THE GAME 

THAT’S NOT FUN

SCREAM W YOUR BODY; YELL IN YOUR MIND

DROWN ALL THE THINGS THAT WEIGH YOU WITH THE BOOMING VOICE FROM YOUR SEX ORGANS FROM YOUR STOMACH FROM YOUR HEART

YELL

MOTHERFUCKING YELL

UNTIL THOSE UNDER FUCKING VOICES GROW QUIET

51

Build yourself a paper crown and put it on your head. Congrats! Today you’ve been elected king/queen/quing/keen/monarch of the world! Make all the sweeping proclamations and declarations you want, and all who hear you will obey! Tear down capitalism, inspire the revolution, burn all the shit that keeps us trapped and fucks us over.

52

Yo just be a girl for a day. Like, not a woman or a bitch or a G I R L like the shit you see on social media, just be a girl. Whatever that means.

52

Yo just be a boy for a day! Like, not a man or a douche or a B O Y like the shit you see in television, just be a fuckin boy. Whatever that means.

52

Yo just be celestial for a day. Like, not an angel or a fairy or a G O D like the shit you see in church, just be a soul. Whatever that means.

I am gay for this.

52

YO JUST BE A GOBLIN FOR A DAY!!! Like, not an ogre or a worm or a G O B L I N like the shit you kill in shitty games, just be a creacher! Whatever that means.

53

Be the most attractive sensual gorgeous naughty illegal goddess your parents warned you about but who you watch and hate and pine and crush over when you’ve not numbed yourself from sexual trauma. For a day. Be so motherfucking selfish about your own pleasure. Absolute entire pleasure. DON’T EVEN LIKE TRY TO PROCESS OR GREIVE OR DO THAT THERAPI SHIT. JUST BE FUCKING PLEASURE. IF YOU TOP THE BEST BODILY PLEASURE YOU’VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE (YES ORGASMIC EATING IS COUNTED) THEN YOU WIN THE GAME

YOU CAN WIN THE GAME.

jesus goddamn maria this one fuckking hit different

54

IT’S EVERYONE’S FIRST TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC AND QUARANTINE THERE ARE NO RULES. THERE ARE NO HIERARCHIES. SHOW UP TO THE ZOOM MEETING; RAISE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HAND; SEND A HOT EMAIL, CLAP OPEN YOUR MOUTH JOIN THAT GODDAMN CHALLENGE. 

IT’S EVERYONE’S FIRST TIME FOR A GLOBAL PANDEMIC AND QUARANTINE THERE ARE NO RULES.

ACT. FREE.

55

Do something and pretend you’re the best in the world at it. 

Like you invented it, say “you’re welcome very much”

Like you’re the goddamn Leonardo Da Vinci of painting or music or something, NO WAIT like you’re the caveman of painting or music or whatever, primordially conquering.

What will you create, knowing that whatever you make is incomparable?

56

Date yourself. You’re not single anymore. If you weren’t single, congrats! You’re double dating. AFter you play this game you’ll be just a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a joyfriend or a partner or whatever

Giant gemini mood

57

PRETEND EVERYBODY LIKES YOU.

PRETEND EVERYBODY LIKES YOU.

PRETEND EVERYBODY LIKES YOU.

PRETEND EVERYBODY LIKES YOU.

PRETEND EVERYBODY LIKES YOU.

Take the last 10 people you’ve talked to in chat and recall every time they complimented you but this time let it sink in. Everything you admired in that person, they said that to you. Let that sink in, actually believe it. Trust the person who said. Write it on your hands.

type and move across your keyboard with these wings. 

58

Choose something you like and put it in a small box and wrap the box and hide it somewhere in your house and forget entirely about it. Future you deserves a gift for surviving through this.

59

Wake up really early to talk to yourself holding a cup of warm water waiting for the sun to rise on the skyline of the new place you now call home. Become silent as the gold arrives. Drink sunlight.

Converse w the sky w no words.

Much of what makes life good doesn’t have words anyway.

AAAAAAAA!!

60

Dance until you don’t.

***flower emojis**

60

Sing until you are.

61

Do something you used to bully and shame yourself for doing. Like. Like stress eating. Do it and find it cute instead. Do it and instead of spiraling, notice three things that’s fucking funny about it, a little quirky magical.

Feel light about a once heavy thing. 

Find cute in the uncute moments.

62

You don’t need to explain yourself.

The thing you’ve been putting off.

You don’t need to explain yourself.

63

They call this some motherfucking transition catalyzing period right?

OKAY SO YOU’RE A CATERPILLAR YOUR BLANKET IS YOUR COCOON. ROLL AS MANY TIMES IN IT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT FOR EVERY BREATH LIKE A CHILD SQUEEL: IM FINDING MYSELF, WITH EVERY LAUGHTER WITH EVERY CRY LET WHAT’S DYING DIE LIKE YOU’RE A PERFORMANCE ARTIST IN THE MOMA. 

SQUIRM BITCH.

SWIM IN YOURSELF CHAOTICLY, RELENTLESSLY, EXHALE, EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T YOU BE VICIOUS LIKE THE FUCKING VIRUS LIKE THE FUCKING CHAOS VOMIT THAT IS THE WORLD 

I know you’re a butterfly bitch.

bringing this energy into april w me 

64

The people you’re looking for will find you.

When you meet someone new, immediately say thankyou.

(out loud, in quiet)

Open to everything, the gift that is the meeting of them. 

The meeting of yourself. 

The people you’re looking for will find you.

hello

65

Hold your own hand like you would your lover’s face

Like your lover’s face

Walk the ground like your feet was a plea for everything to come home

We’re all reaching and grasping

For each other right now

We hold ea other like ghosts thru walls

For today: apparate

66

Build a very small house in the corner of your room. Build it out of whatever. Put whatever you want in it, and don’t let anything else in it. If you can’t control anything else, at least you can control this.

67

Go to a panicked, half emptied grocery store w the intention of preparing your last meal request of an inmate that is to be hanged. Maybe a dead thing inside of you.

Be mindful now. They whisper to you, what kind of condiments they need. The portioning of how they do this from where they live. Okay. be patient.

Just say okay.

Eat for them.

Lay them to rest. 

The next time you return to the grocery store, ask your body where the baby is. The new born infant emerging from the space that was formed.

Ask, feel that child. 

How do they want to be fed.

Okay. okay, be patient. 

Fill your cart.

Have the first meal in an afterlife. 

Each life an afterlife to every pastlife. A version of maybe heaven. 

68

Build an altar shrine of things you like if you haven’t already. Create your own pantheon of gods alongside a child if possible. Allow tiny figurines to send protection to this project or that. Offer them food and water. 

Speak in their tongues. Let them keep you company. Dance. 

You are never alone.

69

We are on all giant massage trains drawing paths on each other’s backs playing pass the message of our own dreams, identities, desires.

Maybe the point of the game was never to fully replicate but appreciate the variety of receiving and translating experience and that we’re all constantly drawing and listening and playing the game together.

Now, pass!

70

Draw a little face on a little piece of paper. Draw that same face, copying the earlier piece of paper as closely as you can, keeping all irregularities. Keep doing this until the new drawing in no way resembles the original. Every 7 years you are remade. It will be July of 2027 when this stops fucking you up. I know that sounds big faraway right now, but as you draw those little faces over and over, think about how quickly you can completely transform.

*big beating HEART EMOJI

71

Draw your favorite playlist

Cook your favorite poem

Sing your favorite person

Cry your favorite meal

Act like your favorite color

Dance like your favorite time of the year

72

Stop apologizing for how you care so much

Care 

Rage

Grieve

Be Soft

In the ways only you know how make a mountain

A cottage

  A village

With the inner texture of a marshmallow

go to church everyday

and where that is is where you feel whole

Whole yourself, hold yourself

Keep buidling keep singing

Keep making mountains

And the kingdom shall come 

,,,fuck

73

Yea. Have a go at it.

Play with your food

Send a pic to your grandma. 

74

Have a powow w all the versions of you that were shit scared

YEA GRADESCHOOL ME

HOW YOU HOLDING UP NEWLY TRAUMATIZED TOMATO

OH THERE’S MY INSECURE LITTLE GIRL

Be your own fuckign saving grace, bend timelines. Do it in front of the whirring sound of an electric fan

BE THE VOICE OF GOD LIKE INCEPTION PUSH BOOKS OUT AND SHIT

BE A GHOST

SEND SOME ANCESTRAL WORDS 

75

Let’s have a ball.

Heels hair makeup everything! Bust out the coat the nice bag. Send out a written invitation, to you’re roomate. 

Have an enchanting evening. Have a toast for how well you’re all doing so far with the lockdown and what you admire for each other. Invent a ceremony – a friend marriage vow, the annual appreciating haikyuu day, interglocational day of Beauty.

Celebrate.

Celebrate.

Insist on it.

Celebrate.

76

For one day, never lie to yourself. Breathe into the very marrow of your bones, hear the voice that is like the middle of the ocean

The breath in says–

If it comes, let it.

The breath out says—

If it goes, let it.

See what lies left in the ocean

77

Take a piece of paper or a note card and label it your True Bank Account. Hire yourself to love yourself. A competitive market means wages are different everywhere, but considering I value my time as 70usd/hour, an appropriate freelancer rate considering this is a fulltime job.

Every hour you spend taking care of yourself, keeping yourself from dying, falling passionately in love, spending time talking to your friends, reflecting on your own solar worth, pay yourself the amount you’re worth.

After a long week of working, pool your money and, after setting aside some for rent, buy yourself something nice and magical.

78

Take someone who you feel loves you right.

Hand them a 10 item list of job/titles/responsibilities you currently have and like. Things like

Sister

Teacher

Dancer

And so on.

And have them list attributes/stats beside them like an RPG or a harry potter house like.

Curious

Joyful

Enthusiastic

Kind.

Refashion these adjectives as your new titles. Ala The Instigator of Love in Hearts or The Beautiful Querent. Identify yourself as such, even if only in private. 

If they wish, hold the same ceremony for them.

79

Copy the gestures and taglines of your favorite people and make a video of it. Send it to them like it’s their birthday.

Get over your own fears of doing things you really like and believe in cause you want to send it to someone. Send it to them like it’s their birthday.

80

Be in a room alone. Wear clothes that mean a lot. Yea, that one that really reminds you of highschool. Or that one that makes you remember that person in a certain way.

Pile it unto as layered as possible like you were shoplifting like you were carrying all the weight and memory of yourself. Sweat a little.

Then play a really nice relieving song. That one that feels like taking off your socks after a long day, or a bra.

Then one by one; Just Take Them Off. Take Them Off.

Until you are naked.

81

If you were always told to be quiet be really loud.

If you were always told to be louder or bigger be really soft.

If you were always told to always be athletic why not be sensual.

If sensual is your fastest tap to joy what if your were a kid.

If you were always scolded for being naive what if you were That Woman.

If you were always told no one will understand what if you made things danced things said things as if you were always completely and entirely understood.

What if the things that you’re naturally good at, your comfort zone and the thing that you deny yourself what you’re growing and exploring into aren’t mutually exclusive. What if you can be both. No explanation, no integration bullshit; just have both.

What if.

82

Make love to your body part that you hate the most in front of a mirror. 

Do it while multi-tasking a zoom class, be so ridiculously persistent since it’s kinda naughty hot listening to a lecture this way.

thank me later. Your body will thank you later. 

83

Put your favorite memories in picture frames. List them down. Maybe revolve around growing in friendship w a certain person or a certain area of your life. Really relish it, as if you were absorbing through your skin more of what had happened, relishing it, flensing it’s deeper tone — now that you have more space for it.

Yea that really happened. Yea i really got over that, yea that part of me got a decent cry. Yea.. that happened and feel really really sentimental and proud. If around a person send it to that person. Cry together. 

You make more room for Big Moments when the ones that have truly happened to you have finally had a chance to sink in.

84

Especially if you’re alone.

IN THICK MARKER, IN ALL CAPS WRITE MANTRAS (see I Eat Mantras For Breakfast) IN GIANT PIECES OF PAPER AND TAPE THEM TO THE MOST FREQUENTLY IN SITE/VISITED PARTS OF YOUR WALL. KEEP YO SELF SOME FUCKING COMPANY. WRITE THESE AT THE PEAK OF YOUR ENERGY. MAKE THE WALLS RADIATE. W YOUR OWN DIN. FEEL YOURSELF AS YOURSELF

85

Extended amounts of time w family can be…. Difficult. Imagine the energy or visage of ea of your parents, dead or not. And observe how your body reacts when it’s two feet away, maybe two inches from your body. Do you clamp up? Freeze? Do you fucking hate it?

This is..

A hard mode. But do it during alone time, during a sacred time. During a time that doesn’t involve them but involves entirel, and only you.

As necessary:

“Mom, I understand.” Even if you don’t fully understand, say the words again. “Mom, I understand.” Consider adding the words “Mom, I’ll try to take in your love just as it is, without judging it or expecting it to be different.” What would it feel like if you absorbed and rung that true for 100 years? 200 years? Work your way up to a thousand until something breaks true.

Try to relax. It’s okay. Relax.

86

Make your own interpretation of handwriting, the fatness of your letter writing font it’s way of leaning forward or back. Invent meanings for it – have a real go at it! 

Observe  closely the old notes you had in gradeschool or whatever is in the attic. Be an archaeologist to your own diary alaman

87

I don’t know about you, but every time I go outside I see the paper. Yellow paper, stacks of it, on every storefront door and window, announcing the same thing – we’re not sure what normal is anymore.

Buy a ream of bright yellow paper and print or write warnings on it. Each one is a threat, a declaration, a safety precaution. They are reminders that nothing is okay.

Cover your doors with them. Paper everything with them.

When this is over, get all your friends together and throw the yellow paper in a bonfire.

88

Schedule a very important meeting, then cancel it.

89

Today write on a post-it note, something you want to do but can’t right now. It can be about going swimming with friends, or tearing apart the colonialist nation state death cult, or sitting on top of a roof and smoking and watching the stars. It could just be being happy.

Write a new one every day. It must be something you haven’t written down yet.

When lockdown ends, do them all, no matter how impossible.

=)

90

Imagine or recall a time when you felt most deeply held. When you were weak and vulnerable and they stayed. That they can be you, the palpable unflinching never leaving staying presence could be you. Whoever it is feel that again like a muscle a hundred times stronger than that memory.

And for fun, open your heart. Introduce that person, that lover, that angel to the most lost little version of you. And side by side embrace that wailing thing. Imagine this unflinching never leaving staying presence staying for you, throwing you up in the air when you were forgotten in the family car.

Or when they forgot to fetch you. Or when you experienced your first heartbreak

“There, there…” the two of you say.

Feel your pulsating twin hearts break open to let this child stay. Feel the warmth the depth the love plunge and radiate. Say whatever is in need of saying.

Visit every night until the quarantine lifts.

91

What if you met your wives earlier? Experienced the love that you deserved earlier? Just picture it –that kind of acceptance a bit earlier.

We shall bend time into itself, how is now different? How has now changed?

92

Hug a pillow while lying on the floor to slow semi-hopeful songs until all your parts go clicking back together.

When you’re done:

What was the pillow? 

What did the tightness of the embrace evoke – what did it let you remember?

93

Ask your hair what it wants to be like right now. Dye and cut your hair accordingly.

We are in no way responsible for your quarantine bangs.

94

Observe the moles on your body, the shifts of discoloration. Recall how long they’ve been on your body. Play and appreciate the design.

95

Dissolve into the earth

Then

Dissolve into the stars

Imagine your body like a carrot; fully bodied nestled deep down into the earth. And pretend you’re just a full head of hair or a popped up mushroom head amongst a vast sea of interconnected tunnels roots rivers sinews. Be  a fucking tree plant whatever. play in tunnels. lose yourself. dissolve.

96

Leave your hand lying on someone else’s heart while lying down on the ground.

Leave your hand lying on someone else’s head while lying down on the ground.

Leave your hand lying on someone else’s wrist while lying down on the ground.

Leave your hand lying on someone else’s cheek while lying down on the ground.

97

Breathe into your feet exhale to the stars, SHOO ANXIETY LIKE A BEYONCE GIF>

Breathe in the stars exhale through your toes, HOOOHHHH PEACE IN LIKE A BEYONCE GIF<

98

In the most mindful way possible:

Try knife throwing!

99

Trap your yelling in a gallon of water and see if it like helps plants grow like some classical music experiment bullshit.

100

Turn off the lights and close the curtains.

101

Live.

purchase the book here: https://mariabumby.itch.io/101gamesforsurvival or donate any amount to paypal mariabumby@yahoo.com

your soul is welcome here

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s