This is a bit of a micro-blog as I’m not exactly sure where to put it but I’ll have this up in my blog: What to do when you’ve awakened and you still have trauma.
Okay, so you thought that you’re glances of the other side, or a taste of enlightenment would magically fix your life? I’m really sorry to break it to you. I really am, but it’s not the same thing. Especially if you haven’t ascended of dissipated into an otherworldly light — you’re still a human person here in human form, you’re still going to have trauma in your body.
A lot of disciplines might have other terms for this, such as still having karma to unwind. Or maybe trying to walk a middle path (instead of transcendental ones) where you also see the sacred in mundane things. But I’ll be blunt here.
You don’t know what to do with the trauma right?
So let me do you a favor and save you a lot of time. The very mundane techniques of processing trauma, listening to your feelings, letting them out, hearing your most repressed thoughts — these very much apply regardless if you’ve awakened or not.
There might just be an added complication of simultaneously seeing the numerous past lives of your perpetrators, or of your own where you suffered something similiar. But the trick here is to not judge it. Yes those are you, but you’re also just listening. You don’t need to make sense of it, you just need to hold it with unconditional grace.
I come from an emotionally bankrupt family. They’ve emotionally manipulated me to be a shuttered bird as the youngest girl in a military family. Upon awakening, and also the help of mentors, I’ve come to see that my mother has done so much enmeshment with me projecting so many of her unlived desires into my life. They weren’t mine.
Now just because I can see it, doesn’t mean I immediately had all the tools to address it. Yes maybe you can see your bother is a blackhole of an energy aura but it’s not like you know what to do with it right?
The perspective of having other lives might give you insight as to motivations or the over-arching stories of why such harm is perpetrated. For example seeing my mother in all her pain, made me see and realize the over-arching narratives of so many women through out history who stifled their own growth for the sake of being a good wife. How their creative spirits have been collectively killed. I could even feel the slim fiber of my grandmother who wasn’t properly loved by her own parents.
As they say, you’re here to break inter-generational curses. But do people really understand how much momentum you have to suddenly stop or re-direct? That’s not only entire lineages, but racial, locational, and gendered collective narrative and traumas to acknowledge and undo. It’s HEAVY STUFF.
But since you’re reading this. I think you already have an idea that is.
And just like I said in an earlier paragraph, of how the things that work for trauma wether you’re awake or unawake work — the same thing applies for collective healing work. Reading books on how women are burned on the stake, or understanding and sympathizing with other women who have been relegated as unpaid emotional labor — these are not just mundane facts of life.
They live in the energetic body. And so much of it must be acknowledged before it’s transformed. And here’s the even trickier part, you can logically know this. Like: Yes, I know, I carry the trauma of a colonized nation and stunted voice of women in my bloodline. But maybe no matter how many times you come to iterate it– you seem to CAN’T PROCESS IT in your body.
This is where I personally believe a lot of somatic work is needed in terms of retreiving, and tapping these strains of collective pain and releasing it from your body. Really recognizing it as both not yours and yours at the same time. One of the things I’d like to remind everybody on this is that even if you’re awakening experience can feel like an instant — the part of you that unravels your trauma doesn’t have to be a sudden cold turkey of — hey I’m healed I’m free.
We are multi-dimensional beings.
That also means there are many layers to our experiences. We have intersections of privileges — upper middle class, as well as burdens to carry — the collective shaming and objectification of the woman’s body and image, the villification of women as witches, the lack of familial nurturance passed down on your familial line etc. It’s A LOT! PLEASE! Accept this. Please try to keep a journal, or a notepad where you just unravel and see this in your living reality.
If you have any practice of magick or transformation, do hold these specific energies as you are trying to understand and work through them. Meditate/contemplate about your mother’s pain in your asanas, send reiki or seraphim blueprint to all the volatile emotional missiles lobbed in your experience as a woman or your gender. Send healing not only to yourself who is a person experiencing it but also somehow realizing, accepting the greater narrative that it’s happened to the whole.
Isn’t this just 3d world though? A matrix? Distraction?
At some point, the awareness & consciousness you possess will pierce several veils. And without meaning to would understand the root and motivations of people’s actions even without needing to ask them. Oh this person is acting from fear of being judged, oh this person has trust issues — and it would be as light as day.
The same thing will come to your knowledge for entire countries, histories, INDUSTRIES. These shared consciousness of groups of people, places and passions have a certain momentum and memory. We’re all so densely connected and this is the reason why one’s liberation can affect so much of the whole. But I also need you to understand, upon seeing more of what’s inside yourself — the motivations and pains of the collective will become clearer to you and holding it is the same principle of holding yourself in the same way.
And this somehow, is what people in integrated mystical paths get on. The total surrender in living the human experience allows you to not only ground yourself here, but also make your spiritual gifts digestable and relatable to the common person. If anything you’re relating to people in terms of unpacking this pain would be terribly human and non-mystical and spiritual sounding. And I’m deeply inviting people to accept this path on their journey if they find themselves here.
If you’re asked to be human, to be normal.
You’re not betraying your realization or your light. You’re not betraying your ‘siddhi’s by not being a full-time light worker nor are you impeding your chances of being in communion with the universe or God. Other people are! God, and even the practices that used to calcify your pineal gland might be things that spirit would ask you to do just to come to touch to corporal reality more and be able to operate in it.
I know this can also be overwhelming. Just as overwhelming as when you’re mundane life was blasted to smithereens from a sudden attunement to spirit– and now you’re somehow also supposed to not be steeped in that all knowing and all love and well, take up all the damn problems you had that’s still there.
And THEY ARE. I still need to root myself as i sort out and understand my family that has so much trauma of their own unloved childhoods. I still need to actively work against through so much societal aggression against non-imperial and woman narratives. Hell even being non-hetoro-normative (angels being genderless anyone?) is it’s own can of worms to unpack.
Yes, your spiritual practices can aid you to be more clear and grounded and energized when undergoing the task of unpacking all of your trauma. But I cannot emphasize enough that the techniques to deal with this trauma — in none typically spiritual sounding ways — “political books” or plain old journaling still! WORKS! they don’t live exclusively from different planes.
If the spirit of your dead grandmother wants to be heard, just like good old deep listening, listening to her attentively and deeply already is deeply healing. You don’t need to commit to a pilgremage or perform an elaborate ritual. In this way, we all still work like humans too. We feel, we need to feel heard and loved and assured that we’re not alone. Forgiven, understood.
So in that sense, I’d like to end w/ a note of fearlessness.
Awakening can be traumatic and sudden within itself. We as a society don’t have the terms, mass-audience understanding of it, that could really facilitate and contextualize it properly. Then on top of all of that, you can’t live in spiritual meditation land and will be asked to participate in the life you once lived back again but now woke to just how violent it is and articulate about the many myriad of pains you carry.
I really want to say, I hear you when you don’t want to do it. It’s okay. It’s work too learning, to love yourself, cleaning up yourself. Your own energy body — this lodged karma. It’s okay to be overwhelmed, it’s okay to feel thankless for it.
I’m honestly really proud and happy that you’re even thinking about getting to it, since you’re reading this article. Something tells me that your light will increase at some point and spill over to everything else that is human still in you and to love it up love it off. I can’t say I’m done with my own process, if anything I still feel like I’m re-animating long dead muscles- chakra nadii?? Of my human vehicle and being like — oh i can do this? and it astounds me how so multi-faceted and patterned our living experience is. I hope in that way you can fall in love with the process too.