Well first of all the Past? it doesn’t exist.
Okay so let me sidetrack for a bit. A lot of various things have been moving about in my life, like very deep shifts that i haven’t come to comprehend quite yet that it would make sense into a blogpost. I mean you’d think you get to write more things, when all the things are happening to you – but not exactly the things still want to fly around. Some really crazy financial help books, arguments with melodramatic hippie songs, questioning the existence of suffering within grander Reality- like the point of it, the shape of it, the use of it as a transformative substance.
flying fudge stickers.
What’s even crazier is, since my “awakening” (I REALLY CANNOT USE THIS TERM WITH A STRAIGHT FACE) – since i questioned reality as i was taught to perceived, since I had an experience of this waking reality being the Actual Dream Dream and i questioned all my friends and relatives as these holograms characters who don’t exist outside of my interaction with them. like honestly. if i didn’t message dave again and had all my memories with his erased does he exist ?? i mean really we’re all NPCs in each other’s main storylines, and wow is money even real they’re just literally a number on my online banking account? …i mean what does it really represent ?…….all the things are really arbitrary to its core….
I felt , and up to now feel. That the past doesn’t exist. Nor the future. Like it really didn’t. doesn’t. Like it only had the energy and interpretation you give it now within the present moment but the past feels like a distant dream. A faded dream or memory of you going to that kindergarten as a child which was True, but not really true for you anymore just as you’ve grown taller and have a body at least 20 years older…
Sometimes I have such a difficult time remembering what I “was” yesterday. Like who I was, my energy.
I mean i remember i went to work and did this but it feels … soooo……. long ago.
Whereas my highschool life felt like each day was molding unto each other, as if i was repeating the same emotion and thoughts were the waves and currents of my decisions were long and slow moving. these days.
I feel like when i wake up, yesterday didn’t exist. all the yesterdays.
like when paulo coelho’s book ‘ by the river piedera i sat down and wept’. the main character said, and experienced that her life could transform completely up and down towards all dimensions within a span of a week. from where you lived, to what you identified with, to your physical age, to your emotional makeup. all of it out of the window with a new Self. Even sadghuru said this, within 24 hours of mindfulness you can totally redisgn yourself, like having multiple personality disorder.
Btw. Do you know that people who have split personality types, have had cases where only one of their chronic ailments was detectable to one personality ? Test positive for diabetes with one personality and not the other??
What . Is. Reality ?? imeanreally.
Like everyday i wake up and i find myself regrappling with constructing a personality(?). Like today what new gigantic beliefs am i letting go of, what new ones am i still integrating in my body. Gaddam my bed is like buzzing with etheric electricity. my back feels clean,. I feel light and energized. The other day, i was itchy up and down my body filled with so much FREICKDG LIGHT that i was like I NEED A SICK PERSON NOW. I COMMAND ALL THIS HEALING LIGHT TO BE REDIRECTED TO ROHINGYA VICTIMS (like that didn’t make the energy coursing through even stronger)
oh boy. this aries seasons got me literally on fire.
You can bend time.
They say in meditation time slows down, in really deep intense, working with the deepest portions for you feels like the i n f i n i t e . in one moment. I’ve had intense feels-like-lifetimes vision journeys. Like those life-flashes-before-you screen sequences, where rapid images and strong moments just whip by you, rip through you and when you open your eyes you know this is a different reality. that we already shift and JUMP TIMELINES!!!! all the time.
now. now. now. you just did it now.
Like a movie that has the illusion of moving pictures, wherein fact it’s just the light of consciousness projecting images from one still frame to another. one timeline to another. one self to another. one multi-dimensional reality to another.
I love joking about portals.
Me and my brother were in new york and we were walking around the park, under a bridge an ominous mysterius looking path. in the darkness i told him, when we go back out of the portal, we’ll never be the same. we’ll be in a completely different life. with a different set of parents with a different set of weather and news clippings. a different country, we would have teleported without us knowing.
He elbowed me for using such a creepy voice.
But what I said was true, gateways and doors just remind us of that. Constant endings, and beginnings, thresholds. transitions, rooms, shedding, a beginning again. what remains the same?
what are you?
Don’t puppet the meditation books or the enlightened. With what would be the text book correct answer of explaining the human experience, to feign deepness. It’s just you. It just happens and that’s just how you’ve observed it and experience.
that’s what’s left of me from all this timeline jumping.
story time from my ego:
So a month ago, I found a book on the anthakarana. I feel like it was for me, it was calling out to me being the most visible from a second hand pop up store , upper right hand shelf. I love every bit of it, the way it described white magic and the language for etheric bodies and thought forms, it resonated with me. I know it’s an explanation of A Truth but it was one i really liked.
it had pretty pictures.
There was one part in it’s healing process where you kinda use a mentalist approach of activating word forms. You repeatedly say these contradictory soul statements (after invoking the soul that is) and you ask your soul star to burn that karma for you. They describe it as burning karma vertically instead of horizontally. The soul will do the resolving, you don’t need to live or play those aspects out in incarnated life.
It came with a fair warning. after you dislodge this ‘miasma’ this gunk, these auric blockages, deeply rooted within you,– you need to be clearing it out with a vortex. Like ask light to sweep and vacuum it away. If you don’t, thne well- shit will just manifest into things. A bad phonecall, an arguement, an accident, the energy will seek to resolve itself being unearthed from you kasi. It said that in case that happened just stay in your power, in the full knowledge of who you are, an observer of life, and these things, like all things – pass.
the first time i did this, i got a call on my phone. i went to answer it instead of finishing the vortex cleanup bit. my airbnb client was complaining, heaters were broken, and i couldn’t get ahold of my grandma who owned the house. i was like. this was what they warned me about. I gave an extension to the airbnb client and wrote a really good apology. My phonecall patched through to my grandma. my caretaker was exaggerating. we have spare heaters. everything was okay.
the second time i did this, i worked on more lines during the meditation and … i locked out my own dad from his bedroom. he was furious. everyone of the family was away from the house. my mom was in Baguio, while me and my brother were out salsa dancing. my dad just had a long day (AND MIND YOU he’s in the military, he’s a 3 star general so kindly just imagine how scary this guy can get when you get on his nerves). It was chaos. he demanded us to go home. my brother was mad at me for being stupid, he was livid that he was still living in the house and he could be ordered around.
I was all like, i just go home and face the consequences.
We were a 40minutes drive away from home. I Sent so much reiki and seraphim and healing energies to my dad along the way. I knew he was stressed and he had a long day, and really I’m sorry i was careless again. I felt his aura lift. I felt like i was safe, my heart felt so radiant and good. Like kinaesthetically i was unafraid. My brother felt etherically crappy but i didn’t want to soothe his pain just yet, if anything the pain will be useful when he needs more conviction to move out.
we go home.
and our dad is not there.
i think he’s asleep? do you hear the aircon? he got in the bedroom right?
my brother is even more angry and stalks to the bathroom. i text my dad we got home. i hear his phone ping inside the bedroom. he’s inside but he’s asleep.
thank what angels unlocked the door.
i told my brother i think i sent reiki so strong he passed. my brother just threw his hands up went out again, restarting the date-date that i just preemptively cut off. I said I’ll stay at home as a safety valve. in case he does wake up.
In reality i was like. that could have been way worse.
did i just mess with his free will?
this was the miasma resolving itself,. i knew it. i WHAT THE HELL. i was so thrown off by all of it. i was so safe i was.
and ofcourse the crazy aries in me keeps doing more linework cause this is crazy and to do this correctly would take up 2 years. that’s how many lines there are and you can only do a limited number a day. I hope I’m vortexing up better.
currently. the NGO/company i work for is going bankrupt in april.
all the cards say im fine. i keep drawing the magician.
this heady deja vu with a columbary chapel yesterday.
lets see how this goes,